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Total War Intro

War is a Multi mode, based on the eponymous It's War chapter in Conker's Bad Fur Day.

Location and rules

Total War

Conker Total War Multi Screenshot 2.png

The Squirrels and the Tediz have occupied two halves of the same fortress, and neither side is about to budge without a fight. Research on both sides has revealed a slight flaw in the design of the fortress's sewer section a vent that can pump lethal chemicals into the air, killing everything. Although the squirrel generals feel slightly uncomfortable using such unscrupulous means to defeat the enemy, they also know that the Tediz have no problem using them. It's just a matter of who does it first.

It's not just a simple matter of taking your own Chemical Weapon Canister to the sewers and plugging it in, though! A fail-safe system was built into each canister during testing, prohibiting your own kind from accidentally using it on yourselves. The scientist who invented the system died suddenly before he could remove the fail-safe feature. But if you steal the enemy's canister, it should still work, killing any creature (friend or foe) caught outside the canister insertion point without a gas mask. So be ready at those gas mask collection points when the canister warning light starts to flash.


Conker Colors Multi Screenshot 3.png

The chemical warfare tactic was only a partial success, so a new, more psychological (and a little less ethically questionable) method has been devised by the High Command of both protagonists. It involves stealing the enemy's flag (or "colors"), then returning it to your own base. Grab the flag, make sure you've got some cover, and run as fast as you can. Successful retrieval will bring about the total demoralization of the enemy and their eventual defeat.[1]

Up to four players can play and each can select their character from the Squirrels and Tediz.

Total War involves 2 separate bases, both containing a Chemical weapon and a large hole leading to the sewer system.. The object of Total War is to reduce the other teams numbers (can have up to 40 lives) to zero by either killing them Death Match style, or by delivering the canister in their base to the underground chemical weapons silo. The catch is, both teams members will perish if not either in the silo or wearing a gasmask when the "bomb" goes off. The number of lives left on each team will decide the winner.

Colors pits you and the enemy team in opposing fortresses, separated by a large grassy field. On the upper level of each fortress waves the team’s flag. Your job is to trek across the open terrain to the enemy base, ascend to the upper reaches of their multi-level fortress and retrieve the flag. Then you must return to your base with the flag and plant it in the downstairs lobby. The game is based on points, with one point being awarded per flag that is successfully stolen and deliver to the enemy fortress. Games involving large teams can go on for long periods of time, so be conservative when setting the point needed for victory. Should time run out while the score is tied, a winner be chosen by shooting/killing statistics.


Total War


Squirrel Sarge: Ok, guys, atten... Tion! Right. Find a weapon. Get yourself either defending this base, attacking the other base, or get the enemy canister. Take enemy canister to sewer area where you will find a place to insert the canister. Thereby you want to make sure you find yourself either a gas mask, or in that central area, because you don't want to be outside. No, sir. Any questions, boys? No! Well, good luck. Atten... Tion! Great guys, every one of 'em.

Tedi Sarge: Find yourselves a weapon. Then kill the enemy. Retrieve the canister here, then insert below. Show no mercy!

You Win

Squirrel Sarge: You did a fine job, soldiers. But don't forget about your brothers in arms that did not return today. They were fine men.

Tedi Sarge: Once again the above-average bears are victorious! We should be in Paris by the summer. Supreme victory.


Colors Intro


Squirrel Sarge: Ok, listen up! Intelligence has reported, that in order to achieve supreme victory against the evil tediz bastards, we have got to demoralize them. They suggest that we steal their colors from here, and take it back, running like a bat outta hell, to here! Whoever goes for the flag, better make sure you have some cover. Ok, snipers, that goes for you guys too! Right! Fall out! And good luck!

Tedi Sarge: Listen up! We need to steal the enemy flag. From here and insert it here. Shoot the evil squirrel on sight. Fall out! And good luck.

You Win


Squirrel Sarge: Look at this scum. Get these monsters outta my sight. I don't wanna see their faces again. Looks like Paris will be ours again before the summer. Good show.

Tedi Sarge: [No Dialogue]


Total War

  • SHC Base
  • SHC Sniper Nest
  • SHC Canister Area
  • Tediz Base
  • Tediz Sniper Nest
  • Tediz Canister Area
  • Sewer Area
  • Outside Pathway
  • Bridge Area


  • SHC Base
  • SHC Center Sniper Nest
  • SHC Right Sniper Nest
  • SHC Left Sniper Nest
  • SHC Base Entrance
  • Tediz Base
  • Tediz Center Sniper Nest
  • Tediz Right Sniper Nest
  • Tediz Left Sniper Nest
  • Tediz Base Entrance
  • Main Pathway
  • Hillsides
  • Bridge


  • Grenades
  • Throwing Knives
  • Katana
  • Chainsaw
  • Flamethrower
  • Bazooka
  • Sniper Rifle
  • Revolver
  • Uzis
  • Turret Gun (Colors Only)
  • Rifle (Total War Only)
  • Canister (Total War Only)
  • Gas Mask (Total War Only)

Multi Quotes

  • Lock and load
  • Yes, sir
  • Fire in the hole
  • Clear the area
  • Yeah cool woo hoo we got the flag we got the flag ner ner ne-ner ner alright
  • Oh, oh, this is gonna be good
  • Coming through
  • Somebody protect me
  • C'mon, help me out
  • I need protection over here
  • Watch for enemy snipers
  • Fubar! (Military slang term for "Fucked/Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition/Recovery/Any Repair/All Reason")
  • Squeeze the trigger
  • Steady with the trigger
  • Steady
  • Easy
  • Easy does it
  • That's gotta hurt
  • Ew, nasty
  • Ah, headshot
  • Yeah!
  • Do you feel lucky, punk
  • You is unlucky, punk
  • Kill that two-face cocksucker
  • You traitorous son of a bitch
  • Take that traitor
  • Take out that scum
  • Over here enemy spy
  • He's over here kill him
  • The spy kill him
  • There he is
  • Hey, can somebody smell something burning? Hehe
  • The only good Tedi, is a fried Tedi
  • Let him burn
  • Woah, look at him go
  • Just hold off now
  • See that fucker explode
  • Bullseye
  • Direct hit
  • Son of a bitch
  • I'll cut you sons of bitches in half
  • Yeah, yeah ha ha ha
  • Come and get this
  • Come and get some you cocksuckers
  • Ah, nice one
  • Take aim
  • Cocksuckers
  • Motherfuckers
  • Urgghhlle
  • Aagghh
  • Gaah


  • Total War went through two name changes, firstly called "Gas Panic" probably referring to the gas canister in the E3 2000 footage, and "Blitzkrieg" named after a Nazi war tactic in the ECTS demo.
  • The ECTS demo had a different cutscene, having a Tedi on a podium explaining the instructions, and it's more extended where they chant "Zu battle!" over and over again while doing the nazi-Esque salute. The BEELZEBUBSBUM cheat will change the Tedi to resemble Adolf Hitler. It was scrapped due to being too controversial, and changed to have the Tedi walk around while explaining the instructions and have it shortened to just have one exclamation of "Zu battle!"
    • Another cutscene in the ECTS demo is if the Tediz wins in Colors, a Tedi is seen executing blindfolded SHC prisoners, and when he gets to the third SHC prisoner, his gun jams. He keeps trying to get the thing to fire until settling to just use the gun to bash the squirrel's head in. This is a reference to a scene from Schindler's List.
  • If you kill too many of your allies, you be listed as a traitor and they will kill you. While the enemy team will treat you as an ally, in colors picking up the flag while being listed as a traitor will make the enemy team turn on you.
  • The timeline of War multi modes, apart from Deathmatch, may have continuity with the in-plot war which occured in March.[2] Tediz are seen commanding themselves in the multi modes, which fits the fact Professor Von Kriplespac died and was left floating in space back in March. It is known from the ending dialogues that the Total War and Colors take place before summer, when SHC wins Colors and presumably takes back Paris, which leads them to the events of Beach.


  1. Conker's Bad Fur Day instruction booklet, page 20
  2. Conker's Bad Fur Day: The Official Nintendo Player's Guide, page 17