Count Conkula

"Enough! Who are you to criticize me or my ancestors, whose blood runs in these veins. You are not of noble birth, and never vill be. Pray, accept my apologies. Vhenever I talk about my ancestors, I get somewhat, touchy."

- Count Conkula

Count Conkula (in the bat form, Count Batula) is an ancient squirrel vampire who appears in the Spooky chapter of Conker's Bad Fur Day and Conker: Live & Reloaded. He is a descendant of the Kulas of Conk and the fifth great grandfather of Conker. He lives in a haunted mansion named after him, Count Batula's Mansion.

Description
Count Conkula is a parody of, specifically in the film . Additionally, Count Conkula's wig is also a reference to 's role in the film as Dracula. Because he has a vampire form, Count Conkula has a fondness for drinking blood.

As suggested from his age, Count Conkula is old and wrinkled. He wears a red robe. Count Conkula often says the word "pray," archaic term for "please," after a sentence. Count Conkula also pronounces words starting with "w" or "wh" as a "v" sound. This is even reflected in his speech bubbles.

History
Conker meets Count Conkula in his Mansion, where Count Conkula walks down the stairway to the entrance. He welcomes Conker and allows him to willingly enter the mansion. Count Conkula also tells Conker to bring the happiness that Count Conkula lacks on his face, to which Conker states, "He's not wrong". Conker walks past the mansion's threshold, then compliments Count Conkula's hairdo.

Count Conkula says that he rarely has any visitors, and wonders why Conker dropped by. He tells Conker that he looks as if he needs sustenance, and leads him into the dining room. Count Conkula claims to have a variety of food and drink. Conker is happy about this, as he is somewhat tired of eating Chocolate.

As they walk through the mansion, Count Conkula points out the broken, wooden floor and explains that his mansion is in a state of repair. He mentioned of plans to make a few refurbishments. The entire floor was somehow knocked down, but he didn't specify the reason and decided to stick with his conservatory.

In the next scene, Conker sits at a long, wooden dinner table, eating a turkey leg and drinking wine from a metallic wine glass. Count Conkula offers him a refill of wine, to which Conker agrees. He turns around and asks Count Conkula why he is not drinking, and he responds that he does not drink. Conker inquires about a giant portrait of a squirrel, and notes the resemblance between him and Count Conkula (despite there not being any). Count Conkula says that the portrait is of his forefather, and he tells him the backstory of the Kulas of Conk.

Shortly after the backstory, Conker angers Count Conkula by commenting that the old family of squirrels had "really stupid teeth". Count Conkula reprimands him, questions Conker's right of criticizing his ancestors, and tells Conker that he is not of "noble birth". Count Conkula moves away and quickly calms down. He apologizes for getting mad, claiming that he finds discussion over his ancestors as "touchy".

Conker hears a wolf howling and wonders what the noise is. Count Conkula identifies them as "children of the night" and deems their howls as "sweet music". Conker questions the relation between music and howling. Count Conkula hears another noise, a banging noise on the mansion's front door, and wonders what it is. Him and Conker communicate some more, and Count Conkula says that the banging is from the Villagers. He then admits that he originally planned to murder Conker and drink his blood, but realizes his need for Conker's assistance in dealing with the Villagers. Count Conkula requests Conker to come to him, but he asks Count Conkula to backtrack about the mention of drinking his blood. Count Conkula quickly interrupts him and menacingly says, "I said, Come here!". He bites Conker off-screen, and the Villagers manage to bust open the front door. Conker later wakes up and sees Count Conkula, who has transformed into Count Batula, a massive, red-eyed black bat. Count Batula is hanging upside-down from a trapeze. He mentions the familiar taste of Conker's blood, and welcomes him into his family. Count Batula assigns Conker the task of feeding him Villagers. He made "minor alterations" to the house, which he hinted at earlier. The same cracked floorboard he showed earlier has a grinder connected to a tube with a faucet on top. The contraption is meant to grind apart a creature, and pass their blood through the pump which Count Batula's from directly below the faucet. Count Batula tells Conker that his only duty for the rest of his life is to feed Villagers to him, and invites him to feast on their blood.

Conker is heard making Bat squeaks, and is to have been transformed into a bat from being bitten. Conker cannot communicate normally even though Count Batula is able to. Conker flies off, picks up a Villager, and drops it in the grinder for Count Batula. Conker drops in a single one for each round, as he is only capable of carrying one at a time. Count Batula comments on how delicious or refreshing a Villager's blood is for every time Conker drops one in. He progressively gains more weight from drinking a Villager's blood.

After Batula drinks a seventh Villager's blood, he becomes too overweight for the trapeze to hold him. Similar to what Marvin said after eating a third block of Cheese, Count Batula claims that he drank too much. The rope snaps, and he collapses into the grinder and dies. Conker then transforms back into himself.

Trivia

 * In the graveyard for Count Batula's Mansion, there is a tombstone that reads "Count Conkula 1776-20XX" (death year shown only in Live & Reloaded). Count Conkula states that he has been living alone in the mansion for "about 300 years". Bad Fur Day's instruction booklet also refers to Bat Conker as "Batula". All this possibly implies that the character is known under both names, matching either his squirrel or bat form.
 * According to Rare Replay, the theme "Bloodlust", which plays while Conker feeds Villagers to Batula, was originally composed for a vampire character in Killer Instinct 2 that was later scrapped.